Conflict is as common as coffee breaks in most workplaces. What is special about work conflict is how much is on the line.
In most places in life you can walk away from difficult people but it is harder when you are working together. In work conflict reputation, job security, future advancement and more are all at stake.
To go far in your career, you need the tools to navigate work conflict productively. Here are a few questions that can be good starting places for resolving conflict at work?
What would winning mean?
Conflict brings out survival instincts. The fog of office politics is real. Often people aren’t even sure what game they are playing.
So ask yourself, what outcome would be a win? Is it undercutting your colleague at the next meeting or finding resolution? Is it making all your KPIs or is it biding your time to leave and found that business you’ve been dreaming about?
Winning often isn’t even about the conflict though sometimes it is. Work conflict is always an opportunity to clarify what you want and where you are headed.
You and only you get to decide what game you are really playing and how to win it.
What else could be true?
Usually people in conflict don’t share the same perspective. You can use that distance in viewpoint to sharpen your own understanding.
So ask yourself, what if your perspective was not totally true? What then? How would your work or mission change if you were sure that your main assumption was off? You might just find a better way forward by questioning some of the things that came to your attention in the conflict.
A disagreement in perspective can be a powerful thing. It can point you to a better understanding of the whole. While the person you view as an opponent may not be “right,” they can help you see the ways your perspective is still limited.
Ask “what else could be true?” and turn an obstacle into your way forward.
Who do you want to be in this situation?
You can influence outcomes but not control them. Maybe you will get the promotion and maybe your office nemesis will.
What is always in your power is deciding who you want to be in work and life. This question leads to becoming clear about your values and how you plan to show up for them in your life.
Who do you want to be in this situation? Answer that and often what you have to do becomes clear.
